i watched her as she paced up and down the room. her breathing unsteady and short. her eyes kept blinking and her eyes showed confusion. i can hear her heart pounding faster and faster with every minute that passes. suddenly she stopped. with extra effort, she forced herself to close her eyes and took long deep breaths. and here another emotion overwhelmed her- helplessness.

i was patient. i had to be. with a person like her, it was hard not to be, if not i'll never be able to get anything out of her. i learnt from the last few years that pressurising her in such circumstances won't help at all, in fact it would backfire. and it was really hard to get her to talk, to say anything in fact. the sessions i had with her were long and tedious, some whereby she'd just refuse to utter a single word. so all i could do was watch and wait.

her eyes were glazed as she stared into space. her eyeballs reflected long dark tunnels. she's a mess.

i smiled. i was getting used to it; shes always a mess whenever something happens. what exactly is it- i don't know. but i'll find out. i know that soon the questions would seem too much to surpress and the temptation to obtain answers to those questions would be overwhelming. and how right i was-
she looked me in the eye, the first time that night, and said "it's not how it seems.".

i could see that she was desperately trying to convince herself so. something i learnt about her was that she never liked looking people in the eye if she could help it, unless she wanted the other party to know that shes very earnest about what she just said. i looked her in the eye and looked away once more- she feels uncomfortable relating the incident if someone is staring at her. but at least i let her know that i was listening.

she looked away and sighed.

after that, the session lasted on in silence until she fell asleep, and i made my way quietly out of the heart once again.