you know what's funny?

it's when you realise that during the sunny days, you find lots of strength to keep yourself happy. but when it starts to rain, the banner that you took efforts to paint, comes crashing down; the water that it soaks up, weighs it down so bad, that it can no longer serves its purpose of covering your face. it's then when you realise, that no matter how hard you try to hide, sometimes you can't bury a fact that you try so hard to forget.

it's not like you can just say it's over and hence move on, like how one is reading a book, and when the chapter's over, you just flip the page, and go on. because sometimes, somethings are just not meant to be forgotten. and its precisely these things, that are imprinted so deeply, that it only takes something small to trigger the memory that you have.

so you know what's so funny?

it's when you feel for yourself, the certainty of it all when you step out of the circle of delusion. the irony of words; the contradiction of feelings. all at once, you know you don't belong there. and so i say a prayer, to bring me back to when the skies are blue, and the hills are green; to a place where the stars still shine, and i still see you.

then do you know what's the funniest thing of all?

its when you realise once again; like a hammer slammed hard on your head, and a knife stabbed right through your heart, that even if you bring yourself back there, you still won't be in those arms tonight. and it is here, you find yourself unable to breath; choked back by tears, you go back to building the wall that you just destroyed. feeling it's the only safe place for you to be in, you enclose yourself once more. crying silently, you know that soon, the night will be over. and so, you fall into an uneasy sleep, with weird dreams circling around your head; chasing cars.

so when you wake up,
you laugh at the irony of it all;
the vicious cycle you trapped yourself in.
...

and its a time like that when i spoil it all by saying something stupid like;
i love you.