it just suddenly hit me how much i do treasure the tangled up bits and pieces that we share(:
no serious, i've never been more clear about it.
like how i went one round,
afraid of what it might not have been
thinking that i thought too much.
and yet i'm back treading the same spot, only difference is-
i'm certain about it this time round.
...

i still have yet to learn how to say iloveyou.
no, not in subtle ways;
since it's pretty much a coronation of measures i have in hand.
it's more of spelling it out, with courage,
feeling the heart beat faster and faster.
being swept off your feet as you do so, and come back to earth when it's all over.
i've learnt not to expect too much from this world.
especially from people vaguely like me, cause that will mean being positive to the extent of foolishness.
cause it's just not possible having to stay on cloud nine all the time.
...

i'm picking up the broken pieces,
piece by piece.
one by one.
hunting all over for them; scattered all over the place.
it's like the door in monsters' inc, once fixed, it can still be used.
though cracked, but still strong.
so let me start the ball rolling.
...

i didn't get into medicine.
i thank God for my PARENTS cause they are so supportive of me in going australia to study, financially+emotionally.
i thank God that i still have a chance of going there, cause not everyone who wants, can.
i thank God in advance, that it'll be a great experience and that i'll find BFf&g(maybe)
i thank God that it's a god given opportunity for my brother and me to get really close.(i on him, and him on me.)

i didn't get into f&b.
i thank God that i got a job that earned me satisfaction ten thousand times more than that in f&b.
i thank God for rejecting my application to work as an icecream seller, cause the stall closed down(like seriously) and now i know what it means that everything happens for a reason.

i'm leaving singapore to further my studies.
i thank God that i will have a choice of working in australia in future, if i want to.
i thank God that i don't have to fall under the 6 year government bond.
i thank God for a better future.

i went through a whole crazy issue.
i thank God that from it i gained a 100% dedicated and perfect PTBF(:
i thank God that from it i became so certain that CHUAH will always be a huge part of my life.
i thank God that from it i found how much i love and treasure BF(abcde)s, cause these 5 girls have been behind me always, standing up for me when need be, and letting nice words fall on my ears when they feel like.
i thank God that from it i finally understand how is it to truely love someone.

my life this year has been everything but a victory.
still i thank God for not giving up on me, though my faith has been dwindling like crazy.
and i thank God that i'm learning, and He's moulding me.
that when i finally stand up once more, i'll be an altogether new person.
...

so if i want to count my blessings,
i'll still see that it's pretty much much more than the bad ones.
(:
i promise you i'll be back soon.
not whole; yet whole enough.
yup, whole enough.