wanting to get out of it.
but yet at the same time, not wanting to.
apprehension+indecisiveness.
driving myself crazy is not hard to do so.

hoping to hold on that string of faith.
but finding it hard to disobey.
feeling increasing irritated at the thought of my own stupidity.
of the shame i feel, and the disappointment i might face.
but..there was a promise that it was done.

i know i shouldn't be asking for an affirmation over and over again.
because it has been given to me, straight in the face.
stand strong.
psalm 125:1-2