i'm beat. gah. i think i've officially turned my bio clock upside down. it didn't really help that i watch television until 5.30 last night. wait. that's this morning already. =/ nyehh. haha. but the show that i was watching was really good. now if you're wondering what the hell i was watching, or what's there to watch on television so late at night, i was watching vcd. it's this series kind of thing. the title of it is "the academy" and yup it's in cantonese. lol. can take the chance to brush up my cantonese though.(: AHH. and there's this actor in the show that's an exact replicate of john mark.((: hahaha. no wonder i found john so familiar. it's as though you're seeing two. trust me. and if john do tell me that he's from hongkong, well i wouldn't be surprised.(: anyway he's really cute((: LOL. hmmm. anyway.it strongly reminded me about guides days. footdrill. team bonding etc. everything actually. just that, well, we're not that autocratic. i kinda miss guides. okay it's not just kinda, it's reallyy. blah. i remembered by favourite part of guides, apart from outdoor cooking, was footdrill.

maybe it was of pure conincidence that i got appointed as the chief footdrill commander. but i remembered we- the footdrill commanders of my batch, aspired so much to bring up the standards of footdrill once more. i'm not saying anything negative about the previous batch of footdrill commanders, but i do feel that they lack strictness. i don't know. maybe that's me. there's this guy in the show- the way he handled the sequad. scolded them. yelled at them. punished them. erm. it strongly reminded me of myself. ha! out of the 5 of us [footdrill commanders] i was the fiercest and the one that most juniors are scared of. imagine walking along the corridor, and you saw 2 juniors walking towards you from the opposite direction. once they saw you, they turned around and ran away. now i know i'm fierce during footdrill- but to that extent? gosh.

i was directly in charge of the sec2'04 batch. they were under me and panny since sec1. and them to me was like something that i took care since young, watching it grow, and when it came to the point when i passed on the baton, i was feeling reluctant and too attached. most probably the sec2s of the 2004 batch don't know it.

anyway the commander in the show, was the trainer for the police academy and he was directly in charge of footdrill. he undertook this batch of recruits, that were not very bonded, had internal conflicts, with 1 or 2 tough cases, needs a hell lot of improvement in footdrill as the standard was so low but has potential. now that's freaky. cause the sec2'04 batch was exactly like that. don't think that footdrill is only something to instil discipline, well i'm not saying that it isn't but it does require alot of teamwork. anyway that guy scolded them, yelled at them, made them do a hell lot of pumpings, insulted them, punished them. basically i did everything that guy did. hard to imagine huh. ha. i remembered i made them watch the sec4s march. and ask them to reflect on their own standards. making them stand on one leg only so that it will remind them to stamp with their feet 90 degrees and parallel to the ground. and when one person screws up, everyone gets punished. it was really very militarian style.

well that's not the only thing i remembered. i also remember the look on their faces. starting out with an attitude of no self awareness. taking footdrill with a light attitude, unhappy and resentful that they were being scolded like hell by me, standing under the hot sun, sweating like shit. but they still listened to the commands. i even remembered myself saying something like "i don't care if you're unhappy with me. this is footdrill and when you do something wrong you get punished as a whole. understand?" lol. and i'd scold them if after a while of footdrill and some had to faint/rest. scold them for? for not taking care of themselves, drinking enough water, affecting the sequads performance etc. and i always made them answer me loudly until i was satisfied. i sound evil and harsh. and even up til now, there are still some from that batch that tells me that i'm scary, but many after getting to know me more know that actually i'm not scary afterall. lol.

but no one really knew how upset i was, the footdrill commanders were, whenever the sequads underperform. it's not that they don't have the potential- it's just that they really lack team spirit. no one felt more then me the pride that i felt on thinking day. i was praying so hard that nothing will screw, and thank God everything went smoothly(: i could see that the company did their best(: i think that's me. the way i work. somehow there has to be discipline instil in the environment that i work in. have fun? yes. but make sure that the job gets done in the required time. and i always believe that juniors deserves to get scolded if they did wrong- including myself. i remember we [the footdrill commanders] will stay back after everyone is dismissed to punish ourselves. well we can't do that in front of everyone what. but yeah if the sequad isn't performing, the only blame is that they don't have a good commander, so we'll punish ourselves to do pushups. sometimes people may not agree with the way i worked, like how some in the show told the guy that he was too unreasonable sometimes. ha. sometimes i ask myself why i'm so hard on them. and my answer til today has never changed. well, i'm glad that i managed to not let history repeat itself.
...
i will never forget the day that i heard that we guides were insulted, by the school, as a uniform group that marches like a caterpillar.