reality just hit me hard yesterday night that 7 weeks in vjc had just passed in the twinkling of an eye. it really amazes me sometimes how fast time flies. and how we just don't realise how much time we have left with each other. next friday or next next monday, each of us will be going back to our respective secondary schools to collect our o level results. this is it. the time that all of us have not been anticipating for. i kinda regret not really treasuring all the time i spent with my classmates in vjc. the new friends that i made- have i really told them that they were great and i do treasure them.. all those that gave me support all the way during my nominees period, did i tell them how much i appreciated it..

it was always the case when i don't know how much i appreciate something until the verge of losing it. and i just had to let this time round be one of the times i felt this way. i never considered where i would go if i couldn't stay in vj, what kind of new people i would meet. how i feel like i belong to nowhere else but victoria. seriously, i don't think i'll be happy if i can't stay in vjc. i don't know. it has always been my dream to enter vjc. if facing up the reality means that i have to leave, i would rather stay asleep forever....

i have yet to learn fully how to overcome uncertainties with faith. it's not easy, but i'm trying. i really am. i still remember that vision that You gave me at the start of this year during service. i remembered. really, i do.

..................................................

and to you.

i really don't see why you have to get so uptight about everything that is going on in your life. if you think that you're the only one who's life isn't going smooth, then think again. don't ask me to fathoam the way someone else's mind works, especially if that someone is one that i don't really trust anymore. you're just letting your emotions rule the way you think, the way you act. and even to the extent of telling you how you should feel even though you needn't have felt that way. you call that emotions?...

why don't you just stop. pause. and think about why you don't like the way your life is now. is it really due to the people around you that you're acting this way?

or is it just you.

why are you so not receptive to the present and hanging onto every little bit of last year. i know it's hard, but sometimes we just have to learn how to let go.

are you able to see the faces of everyone smiling at you? or are you just blinded by your emotions once again, that you see nothing but a blank space which you filled in for youself as "this suck." why are you so stubborn? why can't you just open yourself up to us a little more? why.

i feel sorry for people like you who don't know how to cherish the present. because you will never that you might regret not cherishing the present. all the things that you're doing and saying are just making me take another step further away from wanting to get to know you more.

and one day, i'm afraid i may have to say to you- i don't wish to get to know you anymore.