just got back from melissa's house...celebrated her birthday with some other guides and her classmates. having a bloody headache now. dunno what the hell is wrong with me, been having constant headache ever since the exams. maybe i just got brain tumour. that'll be so nice. at least i can like just leave this world faster a bit.

yah. so what's so good about having brain tumour? knowing that you have one is the best of all man. guess no one is taking me seriously. 'why don't you just go take a panadol and go slp? im sure it'll get better.' that's what everyone says. "lemme help you rub your head." that's what my mom says. its so. uRgh. like no freaking someone is taking me seriously.

i remembered that day i went to school with this freaking migraine. n i remembered the very first thing i did when i saw huiyi was to rest my head on the table and cry. the pain was just so bad lah ok. then huixin came along and thought i was pmsing. at least i think she did. so, she just simply ignored me. then after flag raising, still wasn't feeling very good, but no one seems to care so whatever. rested my head on my table and sat through the stupid emaths paper 2 with a spinning head. went home after that, and no one asked. i was SO relieved to see my mom, at least she'll ask how was my headache. when i went home, she helped me rubbed my head and i went to sleep.

but when i woke up, the headache was still there, so my mom asked me to take 2 panadols. it's like no one believes me? i'm such a fake right? no wonder no one ever believes me. dearest ms nichole ong simply don't like me cause she simply thinks that i'm faking my back injury. and no one really pays much attention since i'm like seemingly making a big fuss over a small headache. fine. so be it loh. whatever loh. i simply must congratulate myself for being such a wonderful actress. maybe i should go and sign up for tcs or something.

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bloody headache just won't go away, and it helps so much to know that i still have to wake up at 6 am tmr to go to school for normal lessons. i'm not complaining about having lessons, cause i seriosly need them. but i wonder whos the idiot that set the rule in which morning school has to start at like 7.30am. spas. haven't been having enough sleep. but i don't think that that's the cause of all these headaches. my norm for slping time is usually a 2am, so it can't really be cause of lack of sleep. and i always catch back my sleep during the hols. ah whatever.

today is just not my day loh. having a freaking headache and just have to hear someone say that i'm a bad influence. yah fine. such a bad influence i am huh. whatever. talking about my midyears. i didn't get my goal of 15 points. but nvm, God has been good in my results. well here it is- C5 for english, B4 for HCL, A1 for emaths, A2 for amaths, B4 for chem, B3 for social studies, C6 for physics, C6 for geog and D7 for lit. lit pulled my ss dwn to a C5 for combined humans. what i was super disappointed in was my physics and geog. well, i studied really hard for geog, but still got this kindof lousy results. but my humans has never been good. huixin said that i should have taken history - reason being my ss is quite good. but my memory sux. for physics? sorry to say. physics is the paper after emaths paper 2. and what have i been doing the whole afternoon after my emaths paper 2? i was sleeping at home. all because of a freaking migraine. mrs chua said i underperformed. and yah i sure did.

so what if i didn't fail anything? huixin always go, "well at least you passed. or even you didn't fail anything dorinda." so what if i didn't. i can't go church you know? that's my promise to my mom, if i don't get a 15 for my L1R5, i won't be able to go church even during the hols. that is so nice loh. physics. yeah i passed. yeah i'm one of the 4 that passed in 404. SO? physics is suppose to be my strongest subject, and look how i screwed it up. and my L1R5 is now a 22. getting good grades isn't the point. being better then people around me isn't the point. the point is that i wanna go church. havent been there for freaking long time. so what's wrong with me wishing that i got better grades. so whats wrong with me being sad that i did badly even though i passed?

everything sux lah. bet you that my proposal that i handed up is full of mistakes and when ng is going to go through my proposal with me, she's bound to say what a lousy proposal it is and how many stupid careless mistakes i'd made and how much commonsense i have. tnx man.

i feel so alone man. really really really wish that 31st is over. and yup it's tmr. really really really wanna go out with huilin and sonia. think a whole day with them would be just the thing that i need to cure everything that i'm bottling up in me now. i will always remember the night when the 3 of us sat beside clarke quay river, and just talked, and talked. everything came out. everything that i could not find someone to tell to came out.

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